Woman on the brink

In one week (more or less) we should begin our passage into parenting.  A friend recently said that what I’m experiencing must be “intense.”  It’s both intense and mind-numbing.  I find myself puttering about in a semi-thoughtless state most of the time.  That or reeling with the impending change.

It’s going to be a good change.  Though I still find myself unable to wholly relate to women who post comments like, “I can’t wait to hold her.”  I’m excited to feel her and see her, but the pregnancy has been so immediate, such a phenomenal takeover, that I haven’t spent much time rhapsodizing about what it will be like after the birth.  There are certain things that I am keen to do:  I cannot wait to share books with her.  Beautifully illustrated picture and story books.  I’m looking forward to reading to her and to listening to Mr. Immaculata reading to her.  I think I’m also very excited to see her little toes and put those incredibly tiny little socks on her feet.  But of course, the reality for me, is that this is such a big leap, that I–who usually have the wildest imagination–find it very difficult to see beyond what’s happening to my body now.

I’ve been more than a little hung up on functionality; as in, it’s been over two months since I’ve been able to bathe comfortably, and yet I’m still in denial and try on an evening basis to get comfortable in the tub.  Horrible neck-crunching, godawful sounds–mewling, sputtering, and OOFs–an inability to prop myself up, and the awful deadening of my sausage hands when I try to read.  It’s just not worth it, yet lizard brain refuses to give up on the idea that tonight’s bath will be different.

These are things that keep me occupied, rather than trying to guess what color the baby’s hair is.  Shallow or just pragmatic?

Before this blog sets out on its correct foot (trials of a newbie mother), I thought I’d spend this next week or so reviewing things (be they clothing, stores, blogs, magazines, or procedures) that have kept me reasonably sane during my pregnancy.  Sound good?


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